Pages I Can't Read

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Questions: (reblogged from 0weareallmadhere.tumblr.com)

1.     Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Hahaha no. 

2.     You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope, not today.  Most days I do though.  #refusetogiveherup

3.     Have you taken someones virginity?  Yes.

4.     Is trust a big issue for you?  Unbelievably so.

5.     Did you hang out with the person you like recently?  No, sadly.  We were supposed to hang out yesterday, but then we “fought” the night before.

6.     What happened tonight?  I had work, and then I took a nap, and now I’m working again.

7.     Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I don’t know about disgusting… It makes me sad when I see anyone wasted.  I associate disgust with that feeling of emotional nausea (hehe, that was unintended), and I think I really just feel sad.

8.     Is confidence cute?  Confidence?  Yes.  Arrogance?  Fuck no.

9.     What is the last beverage you had? Vitamin Water.

10.  How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?  Define fully trust.  I fully trust my old therapist…

11.  Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Nah.

12.  What are you gonna do Saturday night?  Work on stuff and listen to music.

13.  What are you going to spend money on next? My best friend’s birthday.

14.  Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Nope. 

15.  Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Sure.  People are always changing.

16.  Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?  Um, usually it’s Ella, but I guess right now it’s a tie between her and my parents.

17.  The last time you felt broken? Truly broken, and not broken mixed with anger?  Probably March of this year.

18.  Have you had sex today? Hahahaha no.

19.  Are you starting to realize anything?  What does that even mean?

20.  Are you in a good mood? Nah.

21.  Would you ever want to swim with sharks? I’d prefer dolphins, but sure.

22.  Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes.

23.  What do you want right this second?  I don’t know.

24.  What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?  It’s happened before many times.  I usually just forgive and forget, and remember that there’s a reason they’re kissing the other guy, and not me.

25.  Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Mhm.

26.  Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not.

27.  What was the last thing that made you laugh?  Something someone said at work.

28.  Do you really, truly miss someone right now?  Yes.

29.  Does everyone deserve a second chance? Sure.  I give many more than just two chances.

30.  Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?  I don’t really hate anyone.

31.  Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Haha she absolutely does.

32.  Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?  No. 

33.  Listening to? Renegade – Jay-Z and Eminem. 

34.  Do you ever write in pencil anymore?  I do schoolwork in pencil.

35.  Do you know where the last person you kissed is?  Nope.

36.  Do you believe in love at first sight?  No.  Not love.  Infatuation, sure.  But not love.

37.  Who did you last call?  Nung.

38.  Who was the last person you danced with? An autistic and disabled boy at dance marathon.  They really owned me.  I suck at dancing.

39.  Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?  Because I like her.

40.  When was the last time you ate a cupcake?  No idea.  It’s been forever.

41.  Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Mhm.

42.  Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Oh sure.

43.  Do you tan in the nude?  Haha nah.  I don’t actually think many people do that…

44.   If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No.

45.  Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?  Does a dog count?

46.  Who was the last person to call you? Nung and Serena.

47.  Do you sing in the shower? No.

48.  Do you dance in the car? I’m actually never in cars anymore.

49.  Ever used a bow and arrow? Nope.

50.  . Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I’ve never had a professional photographer take my picture.  It would be a waste of money and the photographer’s time.

51.  Do you think musicals are cheesy? Mhm.

52.  Is Christmas stressful? Yes.  Extremely.

53.  Ever eat a pierogi? Yes. Delicious.

54.  Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple.  Are pumpkins a fruit cause they grow above ground?  If so then pumpkin.

55.  Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Professional soccer player, and then I wanted to go to the army.

56.  Do you believe in ghosts? Nope.

57.  Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yea.

58.  Take a vitamin daily? No.

59.  Wear slippers? Nope.

60.  Wear a bath robe? Don’t own one.

61.  What do you wear to bed?  A designated pair of athletic shoes and a T-shirt.

62.  First concert? Bamboozle Roadshow, 2010.

63.  Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?  Target. 

64.  Nike or Adidas?  Depends.  If we’re speaking morally, then adidas.  If we’re speaking of quality of athletic equipment, Nike, without a doubt.  It’s quite an ethical dilemma whenever I go shopping for that kind of stuff.

65.  Cheetos Or Fritos? Fritos.  But I don’t like fritos.

66.   Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?  Peanuts.

67.  Favorite Taylor Swift song? Either Our Song or Back to December.

68.  Ever take dance lessons? No, I wish I had though.

69.  Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Nope.

70.  Can you curl your tongue? Not really… It’s a really sad curl.

71.  Ever won a spelling bee? Nope.

72.   Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.

73.  What is your favorite book? I don’t have one.  There are so many good ones.

74.  Do you study better with or without music? I think I do, but I’ve never really tested that theory.

75.  Regularly burn incense?  Haha um what?  No?

76.  Ever been in love?  Yes.

77.  Who would you like to see in concert?  Eminem I guess.  Or paramore/mayday parade/all time low/or another punk-alternative band. Those are really fun.

78.  What was the last concert you saw?  Paramore.

79.  Hot tea or cold tea?  Hot with milk and honey.

80.  Tea or coffee?  Most of the time, coffee.

81.  Favorite type of cookie?  Chocolate chip?  Milanos?  I have no idea.

82.  Can you swim well?  I don’t drown in a pool.  But I don’t swim well.

83.  Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?  Yes.  I didn’t know there were people who couldn’t.

84.  Are you patient?  Yes.

85.  DJ or band, at a wedding?  I’ve honestly never ever thought about it.  I really don’t have a preference as long as I like the music.

86.  Ever won a contest?  I don’t think so.

87.  Ever have plastic surgery?  No. Considering getting skin grafts on my face to hide my acne though…

88.  Which are better black or green olives?  Neither.

89.  Opinions on sex before marriage?  That’s up to the people.  I personally think sex before marriage is just fine, but I totally understand that some people are quite averse to that idea.

90.  Best room for a fireplace?  Family room.

91.  Do you want to get married?  I think so.

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Any opinion about the existence of God should be a flexible one.

To be certain about something that is improvable doesn’t make sense.  There will never be any proof that God* exists, at least until he sends his son back down for the second coming.  Until then it is impossible to know whether God exists or not.  

I desperately want there to be something else out there.  Some kind of God, somebody who knows what is right and wrong, something to reward the goodness on Earth, and reprehend the evil.  In some ways, I need there to be something else beyond this Earth, because Earth is so fucked up.  

And in this way, when I am feeling optimistic, I believe that there is some greater purpose, some higher reasoning behind our existence.  

However, I’ve never seen God come through for anyone.  I have seen good people become devastated and decimated.  I’ve seen “bad” people rewarded for the very things that make them so reprehensible.  At rare times, I feel that there doesn’t seem to be any correlation between being “good,” and being happy or successful in this life.  I’ve seen evidence to the contrary.  If there is a God, then he or she must be ironic, cynical, and even cruel.  This is how I feel at times.  And these feelings make me doubt the existence of any higher being.

So am I an atheist?  I think it depends on how you define atheist.  I believe that there might be something else.  I certainly hope that something else exists.  But I am so doubtful sometimes that I’m not sure I qualify as anything else.  

What it really comes down to is that I am uncertain.  I dont know whether there is a God or not.  I want there to be. But there is so much evil in this world that makes me question the existence of anything beyond flawed humans.  Therefore, my opinion about the existence of God is a flexible one.  A complicated one.  One that cannot be summed up by a single word.  Atheist; what does that even mean?  My beliefs are my beliefs.  I don’t think they’re that stupid, either.